Miss You Pa | Clare

In a month from now, it will be my father’s death anniversary. Two years. I can’t believe that it’s already been that long.

It’s been too long and I’m lost without you
What am I gonna do, instead of me needing you, wanting you…

Just last week my sisters and I were talking about how much we miss our father. Even my mother said the same thing. By the end of it all we were all teary-eyed but no one seemed to want to allow the tears to fall. I guess we all knew that if one of us started to cry, everyone would and it would go on forever.

So many things have been happening in my life lately. Some good, some bad and some a little bit of both. While I know that I have my mom and my sisters to turn to, I miss having my father around to give me his (often unsolicited) advice. He rarely says anything but when he does I know it’s something that he thought long and hard about and it’s always what he thinks is best for me.

It’s weird how many times I’ve had experiences where I literally go, “I wonder what Papa would say…” in my head. Sometimes there are even times when I almost forget that he’s not around anymore and think, “Papa needs to see/hear this!”

My relationship with my father wasn’t perfect. We bickered a lot because we were both stubborn (like father like daughter) but I always knew he had my back whenever I need it most. At the end of the day no matter how much of a bad daughter I could be, he was still my father and I knew he loved me. I just wish I could have told and shown him that I loved him more often while he was alive. I wish we could have had more time with him — he promised to sing at my wedding (whenever that is) but now that’s never going to happen.

I miss him so much. I miss the way he bugs us about having enough air to sing properly (because he’s a really good singer and taught us how to sing) and how he would give random, totally unexpected hugs that I appreciated.

To all of you out there who still have both or at least one of your parents, never ever let the moments you have with them go to waste. As cliche as it might sound, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.