Does Anyone Have This Mastered Already? – Clare

I turn 40 in less than a year. 

Life begins at 40…or so they say. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone but I still feel like I am a kid in her 20s and I’m just trying to act like I’m my real age. I’m just going through the motions and taking everything one day at a time. I’m not even sure if I’m doing a good job.

Sometimes I wonder what my younger self would see when she looks at the present me. Would she be proud of the person I’ve become or would she be disappointed that instead of the exciting life I thought I’d lead as an adult is actually as boring and as ordinary as can be?

Honestly, adulting is such a day to day, moment to moment thing that I still struggle with. Sometimes I just don’t want to get up in the morning. I’d rather lie in bed and watch TV or read a book all day wrapped in a blanket with the AC on. BUT, I can’t. I need to be an adult.

There are bills to pay. A family to support. A job to get done. People who depend on me at work and at home. Sometimes I want to be a brat, act like a kid and shut the world out because in my head that’s what I’d rather do. It feels better than the responsible thing but I try to be an adult because — surprise — that’s the person I am supposed to be. Besides, it’s not as if I’d survive if I quit working and have nothing to support myself or my family on.

Adulting is such a tough job. I haven’t mastered it. I’m amazed at people who seem like they actually do. I wonder if they are thinking the same thing I’m do. If they’re winging it like me. What about you?

Kids, count yourselves lucky. Enjoy it while you can. Adulting is the toughest job ever. For me it is anyway.

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