A Post Surgery Entry | Clare

We make all these plans about how things will turn out, but life happens, plans change, so we adapt. We draw on strength we didn’t know we had. We give up any illusions of control, and we deal head-on with problems that come our way.

That quote was from the now-defunct TV series Emily Owens, MD. I felt like that quote best describes what I’ve been through lately.

It’s been a week now since I’ve had my thyroidectomy. It’s a procedure that removed my right thyroid and part of my left because of the nodules that were embedded in it. It’s something I’ve put off doing for a couple of years in the hope that medication could solve the issue but it came to the point where surgery was the only other option for me because one nodule was already getting in the way of my airway.

I had my hesitations about the surgery, mostly because of the financial aspect. I pay for a lot of the bills of my family and provide for them as much as I can – spending on the surgery would mean I would not be able to help my family out as much as I would like because of the cost of the procedure. I was also worried because it was something where I would be under general anesthesia. Years of watching medical shows like Grey’s Anatomy, House and Emily Owens MD gave me this idea of how in things like this, anything can go wrong and usually it’s when you least expect it. That gave me a bit of worry.

As the quote from the TV show said, I had plans before this surgery but I had to change them. There was no use avoiding it anymore so I had to adapt and in a lot of ways, I had to – for lack of a better term – man up. I went out on my own for the laboratory and other tests to get clearance for surgery, took care of my work schedule, then took on a loan to pay for the surgery and all the other paperwork I needed to settle things at work and with the doctor to schedule the procedure. I’ve always considered myself independent, but I didn’t know I had it in me to do all those things on my own. It was only when a friend pointed it out to me that I realized that I did do a lot and it was pretty mature of me to do so. Looking back though, I didn’t feel that I had much of a choice: I had to do it or take the risk of things taking a turn for the worse and I wasn’t about to do that. I had to deal with it head-on or face the consequences later.

Turned out I made the right decision: one of the nodules turned out bigger than expected and was buried deeper than we had thought. It was the right call to have them removed.

We all have faith in something: God, science, our partner, our self. We need certain things to be true. All our plans depend on it. Because in the absence of that…

As of this post, I have yet to receive the results of the biopsy but I am praying that the results will be benign. I have a month’s rest and follow-up checkups to go before I can get back to work and I still have a several bills to work on post-hospitalization. To be honest, there are so many things to do rattling around in my head and as much as I would like to do something about it, I’m still not completely well and I still need a lot of rest. I tried to be stubborn and go about things the way I normally do and it turned out to be a bad idea so for now I’m just staying in my room until I get the OK from my doctor.

Same as when I entered the hospital, I have only my faith to hang on to in these interesting times. I remember a friend of mine telling me before I decided on the procedure to trust God and He will take care of everything. I keep reminding myself of that every time I feel a tinge of worry about the things that need to be done. I’d go crazy if I didn’t think that God will take care of everything. I’ll continue to do what I can, but I will also let go and let God take care of the rest. He has not let me down so far so why doubt Him now?

Thank you to everyone who sent me words of encouragement and prayed for me during my surgery. To those who continue to pray for me during my recovery, big thanks to all of you. They really do mean a lot to me. It all gives me the encouragement to keep on going in spite of the setbacks that I seem to face along the way.

Big thanks also go out to my sisters who have never left my side and took care of me since I went to the hospital and are still acting as my personal nurses here at home. I don’t know how I could have gotten by without them post-surgery.

Where do I go from here? I don’t know, I haven’t really made plans yet. There’s still a lot to take care of so I’d rather just take things as they come. I can’t worry about things that haven’t happened yet, I’ll leave that for tomorrow. If there’s anything this whole thing has taught me, it’s that life is too short to waste on things that don’t matter now and won’t matter in the end. As that line from Finding Nemo goes, all I can do now is to “keep swimming.”

It’ll all work itself out in the end. I have faith that it will.